First post.

I've been looking for it all of my life, have you been looking, too?

Don't go asking me "looking for what?" We both know that's a stupid question. If any of us knew, I imagine we would have found it already.

That's what makes it such a bitch. Those of us who are looking, we don't know what it is we're trying to find. Phrases like "the meaning of life" or "why I'm here" are so incredibly trite, and don't even seem to begin to cover it. "Answers" is the best way I've thought to put it, but that's so vague.

It doesn't matter to me if you believe in astrology or not. Hell, I'm not even sure I do. I see things that seem to gel with it, and then I read something about confirmation bias or whatever, and it shoots it all to hell.

Anyways, This is the year of my Saturn return. I know that this phenomena doesn't last an entire year, and that it might have happened earlier or later depending on my natal chart and so on, but... I'm taking this year to set my shit straight, it's a promise I made to myself as soon as I first heard of this phenomenon.

This... This is it, the year of my big spiritual journey. I've been putting off some of the serious stuff for almost a month now, but it can't wait any longer. This is the year I decide what my life is going to be about, the year I turn into the person I want to be.

It's time to stop waiting. The time is now.

So, why the blog? Even I'm not sure. Maybe I hope it will help someone else who's trying to find Answers. Maybe I feel the need to write everything down to set it straight in my head.

No. No, I have to be honest. I'm hoping that someone will read this, and come and find me and say: "You're just the kind of person we're looking for, this is your place, here with other people like you who want Answers. These other people, Answers are the most important thing to them, and we're here to help you find yours."  It's silly, but I can dream can't I?

I'm not going to lie to any of you. I hope this will become a vehicle for my own personal transformation, but not all of my posts are going to be "uplifting" or "inspirational". There's plenty of other places for that online, and I hope you find that if you need it. What I'm trying to say is: I might get a little emo here and there. Spiritual Journeying is Hard Fucking Work. Letting go of things, forcing yourself to take action, searching a sea of contradictory knowledge to find what answers you think are right, and then giving that hard won knowledge up when you realize you might be mistaken... All of that isn't all balance and goodness and light. It's scary, it hurts, it leaves you tired and shaking and alone. But if you're here on this Earth, and you have no idea why, then what the hell else are you doing with your time if it's not looking for answers? It's terrifying and painful, but it seems to me that there's nothing else I can do.

I'm here for Answers.

I'm here for Truth.

I'm going to get it, or die trying.